The forgotten child
The forgotten child
‘There was this one child, who was labeled as smart, quiet and obedient. The child got always it’s homework finished and made almost no mistakes. The teacher stopped checking her homework and did not give her the possibility to speak when the child knew the answer to the question. The child felt forgotten, felt like it did not matter. So this child started making faults in it’s homework assignments on purpose. The teacher was asked why she never gave the child the possibility to answer questions and not correcting home work. The teacher responded ‘This child is already doing well and smart.’
This blog is about the children that naturally tend to get less attention, because they seem to fit in well, function well, listen well. This example from here above is from a school setting, but this can be about all setting. Children that are the easy going one at home, the one that makes mommy and daddy always smile, the ones that function well at their hobby. The forgotten child can be the one that is quiet, kind and loving. This all can have some consequences, that those children get overlooked.
People can deal in different ways in stressful events. Some people when they are stressed or unhappy, they will show externalizing behaviour. This means that they will act out, act out the feelings that they feel. In behaviour this can translate as Shouting, screaming, agression, not listening, saying mean words and sometimes even oppositional and deliquent behaviour. On the other hand internalizing behaviour means that the person will turn his/her feelings into the inside, hide their feelings, the enviroment won’t see what they are feeling that easily. In the long run, this might show as anxiety, depressive symptoms, social withdrawal and somatic complaints. Somatic complaints might be stomach,headaches, tiredness, and so on. Somatic complaints must first always be medically examined by a doctor and if no possible medical cause is found, than this is labeled as somatic complaint.
The child that will show agressive behaviour, not listen, opposite behaviour, will get more negative attention from adults and other children will be less likely wanting to play with them. In the long term this will result in more social isolation, loneliness, negative selfperception. All this stress will lead to even more externalizing behaviour and there can be a downward spiral if not noticed and acted to appropriately and on time.
The child that will be more quiet, anxious, listen well and pleasing everyone, could get in a situation where it will be more often overlooked. This child and its struggle could be forgotten, noticed too late and get less attention than needed. This also, will lead to a downward spiral where the internalizing behaviour will strengten even more. The child will start feeling depressed, worthless, more anxious, more quiets and talk even less. That all will lead in the long run to social withdrawal, less contact with the reality, negative selfworth.
Small things that might help, are playing with the child, getting to know the child, what does the child like and asking how was it’s day. Just make that tight bond with them, full of love and support. If this stable basis is there. Then, the sky is the limit for you and your child.
” Remember, Small changes, make big differences.”
Markéta Mohamedová
Overthinking:
Yes. So who are the children in your surroundings that need more positive attention, kindness and love?
What kind of child were you and how did this shape you?
What can you do to help? What can you do different?
